


Number One

by Nainers



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Short One Shot, kind of venty but like not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25789498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nainers/pseuds/Nainers
Summary: Renzou isn't number one, and he never will be.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	Number One

The sting of dejection is something Renzou is painfully familiar with. 

He was never number one, and he never will be.

He’s not the first son, not the smartest, not the strongest, or bravest. He’s no one's first priority. No one's first choice. 

Renzou is living in a world of shadows. His responsibilities weigh on him, and it’s like he’s forever eclipsed by Bon, forever less than Takezou. 

Bon is everything Renzou isn’t. 

The first born, the smartest in class, the strongest, the bravest. Everyone’s first priority, and everyone’s first choice. 

Renzou hates the way his heart clenches painfully every time people’s gazes slide past him to settle on Bon. Every time he’s forced to ‘man up’ or ‘get over it’ whenever he complains, desperate to get anyone to look at him, to care, like they do about Bon. 

If Bon is the sun, burning and hot, then Koneko is the moon, silent, and soothing. 

He may not be the first, but he’s second. Intelligent, but not strong, at least not physically. Koneko is stronger than Renzou, he embraces his responsibilities with open arms, and doesn't think twice when it comes to protecting someone else. 

People look to Koneko for advice, for help, for information Renzou could never provide. Whereas people want to protect Bon, they feel the need to protect Koneko. 

Koneko who has all the choices in the world but still chooses the path laid out for him, the path that Renzou finds himself suffocated by, as he’s dragged along, kicking and screaming. 

If Renzou resents Bon, he envies Koneko, and he hates himself for feeling that way. 

If Bon is the Sun, and Koneko is the Moon, then what does that leave Renzou… 

Renzou is nothing; cold and empty. Ignored in favour for everything that shines. 

He feels like if there were a mirror that reflects his inner self it would be an ugly, twisted and dark sight to behold. As bitterness coils at the bottom of his stomach whenever they step into a room, and all eyes turn to Bon, while fond smiles are directed at Koneko.

It’s not fair.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, and it’s painful and harsh as it goes down, but Renzou knows he's never going to be number one. Never going to be the best. 

As he locks eyes with the cold woman before him, he knows there’s no turning back. He shakes her hand firmly, and something in the air shifts. 

Renzou Shima will never be number one, he will never be the best… But if he can’t be the best, he can sure as hell be the worst.


End file.
